Despise

Saw myself for the first time,
Was that really me?
I have become forgetful,
Of what life means to me,
Leaving for dead,
Friends I care for deeply,
Arms chained to a brutal soul,
Never to be set free

The world inside me aches,
I don't know where I'm going,
How I ended up here,
I can't bare to think,
Must have been abandoned,
And taken out my losses,
For my world is falling,
And I know I'm to blame

My troubles accumulate,
Like cracks on a wall,
Sometimes I break,
And hurt my dear friends,
I kept Van Gough paintings,
Locked up inside,
Distorted by time,
Crows that mimic sunrise

All that they went through,
I can not imagine,
Yet I wasn't there,
How I feel shame,
And when they needed me,
I shrugged them off,
I was not a friend,
But a stranger to them

I look back at my life,
Nothing but regret,
I had good intentions,
But never followed through,
It's time to change,
I've opened my eyes,
I see I've caused pain,
I'm who I despise